i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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