I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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