I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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