you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
