My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wanna soil my oats bro
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
