Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
