Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
