it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
