Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
