Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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