you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
