Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
