i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize