the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
