I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
