I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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