the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
