I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
