Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
