There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
