Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry aycarter hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.

Fav 1 1194 1557
share tweet
(620): View more from Kansas

Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?

Fav 42 3521 1093
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(312): View more from Illinois

Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up

Fav 20 3375 1157
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up

Fav 27 3094 5218
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

Fav 29 7421 3066
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"

Fav 15 7691 1215
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.

Fav 6 3898 1262
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(416): View more from Toronto

Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?

Fav 19 1509 821
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(859): View more from Kentucky

Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions

Fav 0 273 191
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT