You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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