Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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