remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize