do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
