I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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