Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
