There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
