It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
