i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
