i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
