my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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