And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
