so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
