How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
