Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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