and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
