Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
