Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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