i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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