i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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