Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
