please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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