3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
