I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Is it penis luge time yet?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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