he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
