i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
