Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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