Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
