By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
