I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
