I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
