You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
