We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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