There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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