see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
