btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize