mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
