Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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