A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
