Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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