I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
