Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
