I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize