I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He did a backflip because drugs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
