so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
